By Gina Badalaty
6 Keys to Help You Teach Your Special Needs Daughter about Puberty
One of the more challenging aspects of raising a daughter with special needs is teaching her about puberty. This year my 9 year old, Amelia, started showing the earliest signs of puberty. I panicked, but after I calmed down, I came up with a practical plan on how I would teach her. In developing my plan, I discovered six keys that can help you take the right approach to teaching your daughter about puberty.
1. Communication.
If your child has a speech disability, or is unable to understand you, you must find another way to communicate what puberty is all about. This can entail a variety of methods. A good book can help, or you may need to find a picture exchange system (PECS) or social story based specifically on puberty. If not, look around for good images and create your own PECS or social story tailored to your child’s needs. We use the American Girl book, “The Care and Keeping of You,” which Amelia likes very much. (Note: it is very graphic.)
2. Perspective.
Every child is different, so in order to select the approach that works best for your child, you must first view everything through her perspective. I thought about Amelia’s communication skills and deficits, her understanding of her body and science, and her relationships with other people, and created a relaxed and informative plan that I thought would speak directly to her, through books, pictures, and demonstration but without a rigid learning structure since this suits her personality best.
3. Calmness.
I was freaked out initially but in order to calm my own fears, I started seriously thinking about what I would need to do and teach to protect Amelia. For example, sterilizing her sounds like a distasteful and difficult option as she gets older. Before considering that step, I believe that positive self-esteem can help a girl avoid promiscuity, dangerous situations, and sexual experimentation when she is not ready for it. Amelia has a great opinion of herself, and tying that to respecting her own body is a breeze. Observe where your child excels to get a grip on how to handle this situation.
4. Accuracy.
Call things what they are. Cute names and sweeping references (i.e., “down there” instead of “uterus” and “vagina”) will confuse a child. If you are raising a girl with autism or who does not understand metaphors, it’s important to be as literal as possible. Calling everything by it’s real name will go a long way towards helping her understand her body and communicating if something unpleasant happens. Get over your own embarrassment by putting her safety first.
5. Patience.
At first, I sat down every night and read the effects of getting your period with Amelia. It was helpful to review the book we purchased over and over. That got my daughter interested in the book, and now she looks at it on her own. I only bring up the subject few times a week, include other aspects of self and body care, and give her a head’s up when I have my own period.
6. Anticipate.
Your child may not be able to speak for herself, but as her parent, you know her best. Think about what scares her and what causes her anxiety or stress. Anticipate what will be a cause for concern. For example, if blood makes her cry, you need to make sure that she knows that bleeding is a normal part of menstruation and may be uncomfortable but does not mean she is hurt. The ultimate goal is to convince her that this is a normal and manageable part of being a woman. Address her insecurities and set them right.
Puberty is an important and exciting time in a girl’s life. It’s the gateway to womanhood, and while many people prefer to think of learning disabled children without regard to their future, it’s important that we parents arm and protect them by teaching them the truth about what will happen to their bodies.
Gina Badalaty is the owner of Mom-Blog.com, the #2 Google result for “mom blog”. Gina has been blogging about parenting, raising children with disabilities, and product reviews for nearly 10 years. Her blogger credentials include She Speaks, American Greetings Interactive, AbilityPath.org, and ParentSociety.com. She loves creative writing, taking a good photo, and has recently fallen in love with Pinterest. She lives in Pennsylvania with her husband, two gorgeous daughters, and a cat that thinks he’s a dog.
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Hi,
I have Asperger Syndrome, and as a result, I have a difficult time understanding pragmatic language. I can understand most of what other people say to me, but I have a difficult time understanding what they mean. My mom and I read a book about periods when I was 9. I thought the book was about punctuation, because the word period was in the title (it was even called, “The Period Book”). I also read the American Girl book, “The Care & Keeping of You.” You would not believe how excited I was to get my period! Every time I went to the bathroom, I would look in my pants and in the toilet to see if there was blood. I was 10 years and 3 months old when I finally got it (I believe that’s fairly young for someone who was born in 1993 or the early 1990s). I thought it was poop because the stain on my underwear was brown instead of red, and I knew that blood was red. Later when after I put my pajamas on, my mom saw my pants laying on the floor in my room. She then told me that the stain was blood, and that I got my period! I was so happy to know that I had just reached womanhood! I handled it very well! Especially for a 10 year old with a disability. My mom says she was very proud of how I handled my first period! I didn’t need to take any time off of school or anything. I could just live my normal life and continue with my normal activities.
I’m on the birth control pill because I would get SO irritable and moody for about 1-2 weeks before my period that I couldn’t control it. I do remember a couple of times in high school where I had to take a day off from school for that. If birth control is the road you want to take, please have her talk with a doctor first. The pill I’m on still allows me to have my period every month. My periods themselves are not bad (and they were pretty regular even before I went on the pill), but the PMSing part was HORRIBLE for me and for my family (parents and brother). And the time when the PMSing started varied from month to month. I’m hypersensitive to sensory input, so I think I’m also hypersensitive to hormonal changes in my body.
Hi, I saw a video on YouTube, where a parent talked about the method she used to teach her child with down syndrome about her periods. She showed her child her bloody pads every time she was on her period for a few months or so, and she would say, “red. Mommy big girl. Janie (not the child’s real name) big girl soon.”