For some people, saying that periods and football have a lot in common might be a stretch; after all, the NFL doesn’t exactly stand for National Feminine Product League.

Still, there are definitely commonalities, making it a game that ladies can certainly relate to even if they don’t fancy themselves much of a sport’s fan.

So, what exactly happens when Aunt Flo meets a Tom Brady or a Russel Wilson? Well, football terms turn into a little bit of this….

Delay of Game: In football, a delay of game happens when the game clock runs down before the ball is snapped. In the world of periods, it happens when women take too long getting ready simply because PMS has caused us to break out horribly and we’re busy covering up all of our zits (i.e., we’re putting on our facemasks). Remember when we thought acne was just a teenage thing? That was hilarious.

False Start: In football, a false start occurs when someone on offense moves prematurely. In the world of periods, it happens when our period starts, simply to stop again a few hours later. This only ever takes place when we want to actually get our period over with – we’re going on a cruise or those expensive silk bed sheets we ordered from Amazon are scheduled to arrive.

Victory Dance: In football, a victory dance is performed after a player scores a touchdown. In the world of periods, it’s performed in the stall when – dodging a pregnancy scare – our period finally arrives five days late. If we are particularly vocal about our elation, our victory dance might be greeted by applause upon exiting the ladies room.

Uniforms: In football, many players wear white pants as part of their uniforms. In the world of periods, we don’t always wear white. But, when we do, we take a cue from Broncos and Bears and make sure there’s lots of padding underneath.

Quarterback: In football, the quarterback is the player who leads the team and throws the ball. In the world of periods, it’s when our box of Kotex comes with a 25 cents off coupon.

Pick Six: In football, a pick six occurs when a defender intercepts the ball and returns it for a touchdown. In the world of periods, it happens at the start of our period as we stand in our closet picking the clothes we’ll wear over the course of the next six days. In one word: elastic.

Audible: In football, an audible (often called by the quarterback) changes the play at the line of scrimmage, deviating from the original game plan. In the world of periods, it occurs when our cramps are particularly awful. In ten seconds, we go from thinking they’re manageable to reciting a Shakespearean sonnet, and dedicating it solely to menopause.

The Red Zone: In football, the red zone is the area between the twenty-yard line and the goal line. In the world of periods, we’re all in a red zone (for reasons that are pretty obvious).

Pro Bowl: In football, the Pro Bowl is the annual game featuring the NFL’s best players. In the world of periods, it’s when we’re strong advocates of getting through menstruation by eating lots of Rocky Road or Cookies and Cream.

Game Day Emotions: In football, game day emotions run high as excitement, passion, and testosterone flow freely. In the world of periods, our emotions are also particularly lofty. Basically, it’s like a week of watching the movie Beaches on one continuous loop.

Fumble: In football, a fumble happens when a player on offense drops the ball before he’s ruled down. In the world of periods, it’s when, in a fit of clumsiness, we drop our very last Midol down the bathroom sink (or worse, our menstrual cup in the toilet!)

Fullback: In football, a fullback is a player who often blocks as part of the running game. In the world of periods, we all have fullbacks (and full-fronts). Thanks, water retention!

Blind Side: In football, the blind side is the side the quarterback is facing away from as he goes to throw the ball. In the world of periods, it occurs when menstruation kicks off about eight days early and we aren’t at all prepared. To put it another way, we’ll never wear those shorts again.

Two-Minute Warning: In football, the two-minute warning arrives at the end of each half when there’s two minutes of game time left. In the world of periods, this happens when we feel cramps coming and we know we only have about two minutes to open the medicine cabinet and get out some pain reliever. Other acceptable football terms? Scrambling, Challenge, and Hail Mary.

Sack: In football, a sack occurs when a defender tackles the quarterback behind the line of scrimmage. In the world of periods, it’s what we carry our tampons in as we sneak off to the bathroom as slyly as possible. It’s often opaque with a zipper. Of course, we also store extra tampons in our lockers, in our cars, and in our office. In short, we use Zone Defense.

Huddle: In football, teammates huddle together to discuss the upcoming play. In the world of periods, women huddle together to sync up their cycles. Ready, set, flow!!!!!

Fantasy: In football, fantasy is a game where people draft NFL players and use their stats to compete against each other on a weekly basis. In the world of periods, fantasy involves a lot less cramping and a lot more chocolate.

Tackling: In football, tackling is how a defender stops an offensive player from moving the ball down the field. In the world of periods, tackling is what it feels like our uterus is doing to our ovaries.

Snap: In football, the center snaps the ball to the quarterback (and rarely the running back) at the beginning of each play. In the world of periods, snap is what every women wants to do when we’re in our sixth straight day of cramps and the men in our lives complain about the sniffles.

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